It's going to be an all New Year

It has been an incredibly long time since I blogged. I have had two breakups, found a new love of my life, gotten a new job, and changed my major for my undergrad. I am now focusing on the science of Psychology, which is a bit of contradiction in terms I know.

      I am now setting a goal that I am going to blog at least once a week, about all things regarding being a late twenty something, going to school full time, fostering a relationship, balancing the demands of work, and helping her little sister plan her wedding.

     So let's begin this week with a discussion on how nice it is to have a break from school. Last semester, I attempted 15 credit hours, and I began my career at the University level instead of a Community College. I gained about ten pounds in stress eating alone, and lost so much sleep that it began to look like I was drawing black circles under my eyes. I have finished, and am now on a five week break. The holidays were difficult, mainly trying to navigate what my place was with my boyfriends family and ended up staying home and having Christmas with my family. However, now that Christmas is over, I'm finding myself back in love with my time. I am blessed to work a job in which I work three days and have four days off. I have been able to go the gym consistently for the first time in a long time. I find myself worried that I am not going to want to return to class in a few weeks. I really do believe that people take for granted their schedules... no homework, no study groups, no papers or equations. Other people just get up, go to work and then live their lives. How much of my life am I missing in my pursuit of furthering my education? I keep telling myself that I will do certain things after I graduate... but I want to have a life now. It's not like I'm experiencing these feelings at 19, I'm almost 30 for God's sake! I need to try and keep a commitment to enjoy my life a little more, in whatever capacity that may be.
     I've never been good at keeping balance in my life, but I have to make a more diligent effort or I'm going to end up 80 years old, missing my youth!

The Full-Time Life

I am going to start this post with the statement that this is not a unique story. The purpose of writing tonight is to  voice what it is like to work full time, go to school full time, have a relationship, friends and family. So many people that I know live life this way, and let me tell you first hand- IT IS OVERWHELMING. Waking up on a Monday I must be aware of the fact that I need to leave the house at 7 a.m. for work, return home at 4 p.m. turn around and head to school at 5 p.m. then return home around 8 p.m. in order to have dinner, talk with my boyfriend in order to keep a connection and hopefully exercise. By the time I lay down in bed at 11 p.m. I can't even allow my brain time to relax before I am mentally bracing myself to get up and do it all again on Tuesday. This is not to mention that I dance professionally with an all ladies ballroom dance troop, which requires practice twice a week, and my private lessons on top of that. On Sundays I like to pretend that I can just relax, quite every part of me that has been running a marathon during the week. However, it's hard to set down the drug of adrenaline and pressure that comes from going, going and going. 
    I am trying to find a way to balance everything, so that I do well instead of mediocre in life. It is difficult to be happy and healthy when you are so tired. However, with everyday- and practice- I'm getting better. It's important for all of us that are juggling a full time life to remember what is truly important to us, and put more energy into those qualities even when we are too tired to try. I was talking with my boyfriend the other day about priority puzzle pieces. I live my life with an adaptable slot in which I allow different priorities to fit in at any given time. When I am at work, the priority of serving my children the best I can is fit into the allocated position- all other priorities are set aside. When I am at school, the priority of focus and grades fit into the slot, and the priority of work is set aside. This visualization helps me live in the moment. I still struggle with this concept, put then I think of the piece of my life that I am allowing into the place of my focus and it really does help. However, sometimes the piece that is taking up space does not fulfill me. I have to take time to recognize why I am allowing any of my precious time to be taken up by anything that doesn't fulfill me- my basic needs, my dreams, goals- the deep down me. We all need to be able to re-assess our lives and be honest with the child still dreaming inside and make the decision whether or not to pursue certain activities, arguments or even thoughts. 
    Living a full-time life can be difficult and stressful, but if you are reading this make a goal with me for this week. Let's try to take five minutes before we go to bed and look honestly at all of our daily puzzle pieces, take a note of those that are "filling your bucket" and those that aren't. It doesn't mean we have to change anything right now, but at least we are taking a look.

Why Does My Nose Feel Funny?

                                            Picture Source: Absolute Skin Care www.as-london.com/sense-of-well being


Today i woke from the lightest slumber with the feeling that I, the invincible, may be getting a cold. It's not hard to believe as I work with young children and am exposed to all types of illnesses.

However, I have not been able to exercise due to the recovery from my gallbladder surgery. Exercise is such a crucial part of my existence, it helps me feel sane and quite bad-ass. The roughest part about exercise is finding a gym or stretch of road where you can push yourself to the optimal level and not feel judged or pressured. I love to go to the gym, all of the cardio machines buzzing and the shiny metal of the weights all in a row. On the opposite hand, I hate going to the gym! As a female, I truly feel that at this day in age I have to dress up to go to the gym. The cutest pants ( that help hold in any imperfection), the tightest top (that boosts all of my femininity), and some sort of shirt that disguises my arms- which is one of my greatest insecurities. I wish I could be more like those women who claim that they go to the gym and don't care what they look like. Maybe that will come with age... I hope so. Having music blasting from my I-Pod helps. I am a character at heart, so if I throw on some high energy, powerful female music I tend to care a little less about who may be looking at me and what they might be thinking.

All of these worries disappear the minute I walk into my yoga studio. Yes, there are individuals who attend yoga who are there to prove to everyone what a great body they have and how flexible they are. However, I notice them less in an environment that encourages body and mind connection- like yoga. I have missed my hour of courage these past few weeks. I have missed the serenity tied to my child's pose, and the strength bonded to my crow. There is an inner pride that comes from finishing a class, inside of which you were certain completion was beyond grasp. Yoga does so much for one's mind, but I also believe that it helps prevent sickness. I prefer to take part in hot yoga, which detoxifies the body, as well as provides an excellent cardio workout. I also believe that being upside down helps bring our body chemistry back to homeostasis.


Moral of this blog, I have a cold and I am going to yoga! Maybe I can talk my boyfriend into going with me- he might miss the opportunity to catch my cold if he is too busy focusing on his downward facing dog.

4.14.2012 A Testament to Communication

It is my first post on my first blog. I wish to express in the display of firsts my gratitude to having a forum in which I may go and write any expression I feel pertinent and necessary. It is hard being a twenty-something, living in a world surrounded by social media and not knowing truly how to utilize every aspect of the web. I am sure I am 5 to 10 years too late in starting this blog, but better late then never.

Today I am feeling a little drab. This may be due to the weather (cloudy, cold and rainy), but it may also be due to the fact that I, like so many others of my generation, am overworked and over-scheduled. I am truly trying to find a balance in which i can express myself as an outstanding and creative student, an open minded and talented Teachers Assistant in a Structured Preschool, as well as a compassionate and loving girlfriend, sibling, daughter and friend. I have to keep reminding myself that IT IS OKAY TO LET MYSELF BE ME WITH NO EXPECTATION OF ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR A MINUTE. I wish only, in this evening light, to quiet my mind for a moment, and listen to what that inner quirky girl is whispering- whether it be motivation, peace or even anger. Anything that the inner me has to say is okay and needs to be heard. I feel that too often I LOOK OUTSIDE OF MYSELF FOR DICTATION OF WHAT IS APPROPRIATE TO FEEL, THINK AND BE. Not tonight, and I wish all of you in the blogger-sphere one moment tonight of inner correspondence and the courage to listen to what the inner you is whispering, stating or screaming. You and I both deserve to be heard and acknowledged.